Dating Advice
For some, picking up is easy. For the remaining 98% of the world, it can be a combination of embarrassment and ridicule. The problems most people encounter is cause by thinking that the other person isn't interested, so if they gather up enough courage to talk to them, they fear every step closer, and run away at first chance.
In most cases, it is the combination of not knowing how to break the ice and fear of being rejected that keeps you standing against the walls at the club. Together, they can be an ugly enemy to face, but broken up, everyone will be able to overcome them.
Starting a Conversation
The first skill you need to master is being able to chat complete strangers up for fun. You can do this virtually wherever you are, as long as there are people around. Depending on how comfortable you are doing it, you can start out by talking to anyone that you can, and as you improve, start focusing on people of the same sex and age that you are looking for. Have no expectations from the conversation beyond meeting the person, and if some people aren't open to talking, don't worry about it and find someone else.
Whether you are in a line up, on the bus, or in a grocery store, practice opening the ice as often as you can. Depending on how large of an effort you put in, you should start seeing results quickly. It will take some time to learn how to feel out which topics you should bring up with which people, but once you start getting some confidence, you'll be able to approach anyone you want.
If you are having trouble coming up with something to talk about, think of something that you have in common with the person, a current event, or ask them a question about something. Although this may be a little cheesy, an opener can be as easy as "excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but by any chance do you know how to pick out a good cantaloupe?" Look for things around that you can use for material, and ask questions that involve a response. The real skill behind conversation is getting the other person talking.
Starting a Conversation to Pick Up
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Set up a game plan for yourself. Remember that talking is costing you nothing and has potential for a great reward. Have an idea of what you want to talk about so you don't look like you have to put effort in to talk to someone. Remember that this first conversation is not just for the other person, you are testing them as well to see if they have the deeper qualities you are looking for. Don't be scared to look them in the eye, you want to come across as comfortable and fun, and most importantly smile! If you smile it shows the person that you are happy and know how to enjoy life!
Like we just mentioned, you want to come across as fun, happy, and confident. Don't jump in with your name and life story, say hello and test the waters. Although one-liners are cheesy, having something funny to say is often the best way to break the ice. Once the ice is broken, the hardest part is done, so try to keep the conversation moving. Don't be in a rush to introduce yourself or ask for a name, try to bring it up casually after you have talked for a few minutes. If things go well, suggest going for a coffee some time to get to know each other a bit better, if the person seems interested, you can offer your number and they call you to set something up. Most people are hesitant to give their number to someone they just met, the same may go for their name, so don't be pushy.
Until you start getting the hang of it, try to focus on places where you feel comfortable. Start out with places where you can start talking naturally. Since it is obviously easier to pick someone up who is standing when compared to a person who is walking in the opposite direction, try to find or create situations that have less awkwardness attached. Having a pet, for example, can be a great way to meet people, especially if it's cute. People will always stop to pet or play with a cute pet, and once they are there, you can start chatting them up. This is a much better approach then going to the clubs, yet people are always going to clubs to meet people. Although clubs are fun, they are loud and the only way to communicate is by yelling at each other.
Tips for Picking Up
Being Yourself
If you are having trouble picking up people being yourself, pretending you are someone else will usually result in poorer results. No one likes to be with people who pretend to be something they are not, and the truth will come out sooner or later.
Being Positive
Nobody likes depressing or whining people. Everyone deals with their own problems as well as with their friend's problems, what makes you think they want to hear about yours. Although national defense against terrorist activity may be on a lot of people's minds, there is an infinite amount of topics to discuss that aren't depressing. Try to be the highlight of the person's day by helping him/her forget his'/hers problems. You want her to remember your first conversation as happy and entertaining, especially when you are hoping that the person calls you.
Making Conversation
You want to keep the conversation flowing naturally, which could be a little difficult with a person you don't know. A good approach is starting out with something in your current environment, and try to fish for some information about the person. When that topic dries up, move onto an open-ended question about something that they mentioned. We highly recommend not bringing up sex this early, but there are exceptions to the rule. The problem is that you don't where his/her boundaries lie, and its generally not a good idea to start by crossing them.
Location, Location, Location
Well, although it is theoretically possible to meet someone almost anywhere, some places are obviously better then others. Make sure to keep a balance between ratio and your comfort level. Not all places that the opposite sex visits are great for meeting people. Have a look at our article on meeting people for some more ideas.
Batting Average
Unless you are batting a big 000, don't worry about it. If you don't keep trying, you'll never succeed. There are a few ways to improve your batting average without necessarily improving your skill level. One of the ways to do this is by finding good candidates to pick up, i.e. women who are already checking you out. Check out the article on flirting to see some of the more common ways that people send each other signals. Your other main way is based on those beautiful economic principles of supply and demand. Rather then going out to "sausage fests", try to find some venues where women out number the men, and start appreciating the fundamentals of economics. You can check out the article on places to meet people for some detailed suggestions. |
