Blow Jobs
The Long, Slow Blowjob
There are two things you should keep in balance when giving a long, slow blowjob. You want to tease but you don't want to be a tease. Let me repeat that--you want to tease but you do not want to be a tease. Some women don't know the difference, honestly. Teasing means you want to arouse him as much as possible while also delaying his gratification as much as possible. Being a tease means you want to get him as aroused as possible and then leave him to suffer (As a side note, though, the myth of "blue balls" is exactly that--you should never be a tease, but being left teased is not as tragic as most guys make it out to be).
So the first thing you should do is reassure him in some way that you're in it for the long haul, that you're not going to start complaining in the middle of it that your hand hurts or your jaw hurts or whatever. You can tell him, "just relax. I'll take care of everything ," or "you know I love the way you taste," or "have you had a long day? I know what will make you feel better [Sidenote: he'd better do this for you, too... men aren't the only ones who have "long days"]." Whatever it is that makes him feel relaxed enough to enjoy it.
That said, let me dispell a myth here: blowjobs should never have to take a long time. They can. They can take a really long time... if you're not enthusiastic, not enthusiastic enough about learning how to give better blowjobs, or if your man is not relaxed. If he is not relaxed, he will never come, never. And why would he not be relaxed if someone's sucking his dick--same reasons we've discussed before: he thinks you're trying to distract him from something or you want something from him, he thinks you're doing it only out of obligation and you're not really interested in pleasing him, or he thinks you're doing this only to tease him and you're not really interested in getting him off. If he's relaxed, it can be very quick... and any longer you make it will be of your own design. For any doubters among you, ask your man how long it takes him to get off when he's masturbating. Anyone who says longer than five minutes is lying or way too into tantric sex. If he, boring right (or left) hand that he is, can get himself off in five minutes, how much more easily can a woman, enthusiastic enough, get him off, then? And how many times have you had the unpleasant experience of premature ejaculation with him?
Another way to relax him to make it "long" and "slow" is to avoid his penis. That's right. If you were doing a "quickie," you'd just dive right in there, unzip his pants, and start sucking and jerking him off. But if you're in for the long (time-wise) haul, then stay away from the penis. Tease him. As long as he's assured you'll get around to it eventually, teasing is a great feeling for him and it also greatly reduces the amount of sucking and manual labor time you'll have to devote to the blowjob (which, of course, isn't really a problem, because you're enthusiastic about it, right?). So, light candles, strip him slowly, lick him all over (except the pubic area), stroke him lightly with your fingers or a feather, play soft music, do just about anything without touching his dick . After you've done this for a while (and the longer you do it the less time it will take for him to come, trust me), stroke his penis slowly with your hand (contrary to public belief, you do not need lubricant for this). Keep stroking slowly in a steady motion. Eventually, put one (or two, depending on what you feel comfortable doing) of his balls in your mouth and be very, very gentle with them. Just put them in your mouth. Don't suck on them or lick them. The warmth alone should stimulate him. Then slowly lick up his shaft. Now, at this point, you can do any number of things. Some women like to deep throat. This does nothing for the man , unless he's really obsessed with the movie deep throat . Some women like to flick the tips of their tongues all over the penis. This is okay for the beginning... this is teasing behavior. You aren't getting him off by doing the flicking thing. Your mouth need envelope merely the top of his penis. Use your hand to do the work. Three things are necessary at this point:
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1) Knowing how to give a handjob; if you don't know how, ask him to masturbate for you and watch him carefully. He will not refuse this request. Pay special attention to where and how tightly he grabs his shaft... this may differ as far as circumcised and uncircumcised guys go.
2) Being consistent. Do not suck really hard and for a long interval, then leave him hanging for some undetermined amount of time. Be mathematical if you have to, suck twice and then jerk him off three times without your mouth; then repeat. Your mouth needs to be constant but not continuous... in fact, if you simply keep your mouth on his penis, he will become slightly desensitized to it and it will backfire... you, meanwhile, will be left with a sore jaw.
3) Increase speed--do not decrease. You don't need to increase speed right away. You do not even need to increase by that much. The key thing here, though, is to go on faith: you've teased him enough, he's pretty close to coming, go all out... don't think about, "but if I go at this pace, i won't last more than three minutes." If you've given him a proper blowjob, following all the tips i've given you, he won't last more than three minutes! Do not, under any circumstances, slow down, though, once you've picked up the pace. If, for some reason, you are too tired and can't keep up the pace, ask him to finish himself off and say you'll suck him off towards the end. The guy is anxious to come, but he'd also like the assurance that you're still in it, still interested in participating, in pleasing him.
Random Notes
Everyone will tell you this but your teeth should never touch his dick.
Ask your guy if he likes "seductive looks." Most guys, I think, will view any looking at him during the act as a sign of your self-consciousness and a move to make him more self-conscious. Looking at him will not make him more relaxed. If you seem to enjoy what you're doing and you're really involved with and focused on his penis, he will not fault you for not looking at him. If you're going to do any looking, though, look at his penis. Admire it. He'll love that.
I've recommended that you touch him a lot and use your hand while blowing him. You don't need to do this, by any means, but if you're a self-avowed multi-tasker, anything you can do with your free hand will be much appreciated. You can touch him, stroke him, touch his balls, whatever.
Don't ask him questions during the blowjob. If you're doing things wrong, it doesn't matter at that moment . What matters at that moment is your enthusiasm. If you're really concerned about giving better blowjobs, ask him afterwards or beforehand what he likes, how you can be better... and read articles like this. then, keep those suggestions in mind for next time.
Spitting or Swallowing: The Age-old Question
I don't know why this is the age-old question. Honestly, it seems to me that most women are more like, "let him come in my mouth, on me or on himself?" Most women, I think (correct me, if I'm wrong), if they are willing to let a man come in their mouths don't see what's so different about swallowing it, at that point. I mean, you've already tasted the stuff. It's already in you, and it's not going to get you pregnant. So the issue is really "can he come in your mouth?"
Now, I know the politically correct thing to say is that you should never do anything you're not comfortable doing. While this is true, and a man should never force you to do anything (side note: if a man ever shoves your head down to force you to give him a blowjob or says, "suck it, bitch," and you're not into some kinky dominance and submission thing, dump his ass right away; same goes for guys who think thrusting is cool while you're going down on them), I won't lie to you either: it makes a difference both psychologically and physically to a man whether you let him come in your mouth or not. Psychologically (which is really important--re: enthusiasm, the biggest mistake, etc.), he feels that if you're not letting him come in your mouth you're saying, "I reject you, I reject this part of you." You're saying "ew" to something he views as a part of himself. Men think of their penises as extensions of themselves. Some men even name their penises. Semen is not unhealthy, too fattening, and it will not get you pregnant.
Physically, it makes a difference, too. There's the warmth of your mouth, the intimacy of that sensitive part of your body (your lips, your tongue), and at the moment of climax, you're taking it away for essentially a mere handjob. How would you like it if a man went down on you and just as you were about to come, the man ducked his head back two feet, spitting and wiping his mouth while he fingered you to orgasm? While, for some women, fingering may feel just about the same as cunnilingus (they're both lubricated), the idea of having a man be repulsed by, and shrink back away from you the moment you climax is very demoralizing. Likewise for men, if you shrink back away from them when they're coming.
That said, a man should let you know when he's coming. Over time, you may develop a sense of when he will. If you do, if you can read those signs, insist that he not tell you... his not being self-conscious will make the experience more enjoyable and relaxing for him, and will make the work shorter for you (the enjoyable work, of course). I realize that many women complain about the taste of cum, say that it varies man to man or man's diet to man's diet. I've heard that pineapple juice is good and asparagus bad. Honestly, though, if a man centers his eating life around what makes his cum taste good, he may not be the healthiest man around. I would say if you're really squeamish, do everything in your power to make the man feel good in every other way (so that he has no right to complain) and just tell him his cum tastes awful. Or, if you're like Samantha from Sex and the City , make him taste his own damn cum. If he can swallow his own cum and say it doesn't bother him that much, then so can you. The trick is, though, that you have to follow through with the deal. I would say that if it only slightly turns you off, think of it merely as acquired taste. this is a man you're fairly committed to, especially if you're married. If you can acquire a taste for beer, coffee, olives, some exotic food (however you use the term "exotic"), then, if you truly love your man, you can at least try to acquire a taste for his cum.
What about safe sex? Well, the medical consensus seems to be that it's very unlikely (though possible) that you can contract HIV from giving a blowjob. You can definitely be an oral carrier for herpes or other venereal diseases. I have to say, though, vaginal intercourse with a condom really dulls things. It's still okay, and in most cases, necessary for survival. But as far as a blowjob with a condom goes... if you're not in a committed enough, long-term relationship to have both been tested and know you have no venereal diseases, don't give the guy a blowjob... if it's a meaningless relationship, leave it at that and just have lots of vaginal sex. If you want the guy to commit, all the more incentive for him if that means later on he'll get blowjobs.
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